The Chronicles of Jon Davis

A friendly conversation

2004-12-07T15:25:00.002-08:00

Jon Davis: sup man Dave: sup boss Dave: what you doin right now? Jon Davis: hangin out at home today actually Dave: taking a day off? Jon Davis: yea ... schedule changes this weekend Dave: what are you going to be doing jobwise? Dave: as far as new hours go Jon Davis: [TAKEN OUT OF THE CONVERSATION ON PURPOSE] Dave: ahhh Dave: right on Dave: give you some time at night a little to hang out Dave: I just started job #2 Jon Davis: well right now i have weekends off as it is Jon Davis: this schedule lets me stay up at night alil bitt Dave: yeah thats good Jon Davis: yeah Dave: my schedule keeps me up all freaking night long Dave: :)) Jon Davis: talked to tracy last sunday... Dave: and then some Jon Davis: ... was interesting. Dave: right on Dave: how is she Jon Davis: she was ... tracy .. lol. Dave: haha Dave: I havent talked to her in ages Jon Davis: i've just come to accept that no matter what is happening in my life i'll always love that girl. Dave: pretty much the same thing though with everyone online Jon Davis: yeah - i hear ya. i've been keeping to myself these days. Dave: I just really havent talked to anyone cept you Jon Davis: i started dating this girl named Kellie... its still in its early stages.. Dave: she local? Jon Davis: but .. some good things... a) i've known her for like 2 years Jon Davis: b) she's local Dave: haha Dave: cool Jon Davis: c) she's young and impressionable lol Dave: dude! Dave: lecher Dave: :)) Jon Davis: d) i havent even kissed her yet Dave: just kidding man Dave: wow Jon Davis: we've been on several dates Dave: what happened to you man.. Jon Davis: and we've know each other for a long time Jon Davis: well... i'm trying to find a real relationship for once. Dave: last time we were hanging out you were practically sticking your tongue down girls throats at will Jon Davis: i havent had sex in like 3 months dude. Dave: :o Dave: dude... Dave: go command the astroglide RIGHT NOW Dave: and get back to me Dave: :)) Jon Davis: i've changed alot... Dave: I Hear ya Dave: <

Photo added

2004-11-14T10:10:00.000-08:00

New photo added, surfed myspace all night. No sleep. Jon going to sleep now.

Mailing List

2004-11-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

Added a new mailing list...

Slut test

2004-11-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

I am 91% slut. Click here to take the test.

Audio post

2004-11-11T01:14:00.000-08:00

My week of privacy is over..

2004-11-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

My week of privacy is over.. I have been house sitting for Marisa and her mother this past week. Having a place of my own has been a goal of mine for quite some time. I've accomplished so much in such lil time that I was here. I look at this blog of mine and updated it...TWICE. I need my own place. Soon enough. I was offered a job yesterday. I already work for Apple. Love the people, the environment, the amount of support - the pay on the other hand is just average. I've had several offers in the past couple of weeks and yesterday a very enticing "twice my salary" offer landed in my lap. The contract is for a few months, but I am willing to see what it's all about considering the amount of pay. I just need to make sure all of my ducks are in a row before I can proceed any further. This leaves me very little time since the job is to start on the 29th of this month. So the next couple of days will be very busy. I spent the entire evening updating my resume and taking care of household items such as laundry and dishes, etc. Even attempted to complete this online test that my agency is requesting I finish before the actual interview. Fortunately, because I'm tired as hell, I am on a Macintosh and well - they aren't compatible. So I'll do it tomorrow. I'm the master of procrastination anyway. Speaking of procrastination - I'm wide awake. I don't want to work tomorrow. I'm being lazy. Ugh. Why do I have to work? Oh yeah, duh. I have bills. Are you having a conversation with yourself? Actually, yes, you are Jonboy. Aren't you tired yet? No, not actually. You use the word actually a lot. Actually, yes I know actually use actually alot actually. You can't use that word that many times... holy hell - I need to stop. *hahaha* So I wonder if Darnell is going to ever contact me. I'm thinking .... no. I've called, written e-mails, sent text messages. Hopeless. Sad too. I thought there was a lot of potential there. Sherika has stopped calling too. I'm actually .. dum, dum, dum... alone. Last thing on my mind these days are women though. I have way too much going on. Perhaps one day, when I go back to college .. I'll meet some nice girl there. Would be nice though, to have someone in my life on a regular basis. *Goes to bed and fantasizes waking up next to a beautiful woman*

Random goodnight thoughts.

2004-11-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

Just got out of the shower and getting ready to hit the sack for another daily grind tomorrow. Found this as I was surfing the net ...

Wouldn't life be boring if every day was the same? Variety is the spice of life, and your plate is filled. You may encounter something out of the ordinary today, which throws you off balance as you try to figure it out. Spend as much time as possible examining it. Look at it from different angles before coming to your final conclusion. Remember that individual events may be a sign of some greater change at work. There's no rush to come up with a right answer.

That's my "horrorscope" and yes, I spelled it correctly. I hate those damn things. Tracy got my hooked on them when we were together. Everything mystical and nature-related, specifically references to the equality and beauty of women. It's amazing how things turned out and how much I truly learned from her as an individual. About the Divine Proportion and the true meaning of the Pentacle. I'm telling you, if you haven't read The Da Vinci Code, it's a must read. Some seriously interesting theories on The Bible and the New Testament. I've contemplated and contemplated over my religious beliefs. Things haven't been going so well for me so I question my faith in God, like any other normal Catholic/Christian. Well, the time is near. Almost midnight. No one is online that I really want to talk to. The main person I want to have a conversation with (Darnell) has ignored me for the past week. I'm beginning to wonder what's going on. If she has cold feet, or just decided to walk away completely because it was easier on her? Perhaps she's going through some troublesome times herself? I really don't know. I hate being left in the dark. I have other opportunties. Hell, I had plenty last weekend. I was surrounded by a bunch of women that I had already slept with in the past. Yet, for some odd reason, I went to bed alone and willingly - without a struggle. I've found peace in myself and embrace the fact that I'm single. To contradict that statement though .. I'm alone and lonely. Wondering who that person is supposed to be ... the "next big step." I don't want some trivial fuck buddy. I want that person to wake up to everyday. (Ironic I say that considering my previous post) On that note, time for bed.

2004-11-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. (Amongst other items)

Why do I wake up everyday?

2004-11-08T23:20:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding writing lately but its to the point where I can't avoid my thoughts anymore. It's like a hammer crashing down on a mirror. Breaking me into a million pieces with each slice of thought. My women situation continues to complicate itself before me - without me trying to fuel the fire. It's a living raging force that exponentially grows on its own. Random thoughts of the women in my life... reflecting on what I once had, what I want to have, and what I don't have. I saw Tracy this past weekend. Not an easy thing let me tell you. Especially having seen her with her new boyfriend. It was typical. Exactly what I know she desires deep down in a guy. Someone "rad." *scoffs* I felt like I was on top of the world when I was with her. Having the time of my life. What the hell am I waiting for? Nothing. I'm ready to love. I'm ready to live. I'm ready to begin that new chapter in my life. I thought I had that with Nila. God its no wonder I fell so hard and face first. We talked about marriage and for once, I meant it. What a fucking joke that was. I shouldn't be so bitter. I felt that it was genuine. I have to piss myself off about that situation to justify the number of tears I wish I could shed over her. I wanted her to be the last woman I'd ever kiss. Tracy looked really good though. Amazingly enough - I think I handled things well. I maintained my composure and allowed everyone to think I was having a good time going through my normal MO - hot tubbing naked. Inside of me I wanted to take a knife and slice his throat. Violent much, Jon? I envy couples. I envy the love they share together. Maybe I'm still not ready because I know how to be a slut and nothing more. I'm sick of one night stands. I'm sick of randomly sleeping with chicks that mean nothing to me. I want to have something real. I deserve to taste that again. Hm, this is a dark entry. Maybe I should delete everything? I'm sad. I'm going to sleep alone tonight. What I would give for one night next to someone that actually fucking cared. So the answer to the subject .. "Why do I wake up everyday?" The answer: Simple. The love I have for my son. I will see you again, Alejandro. I promise.

Re-design

2004-10-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

After a long night of coding, I have developed this new site. I'm fairly thrilled at how it turned out. I'm tired, going to bed shortly.

Soaking corks...

2004-10-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

God that's just too funny. hahahaha

So the journey begins...

2004-10-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm at a starting point of my life again. I've done a lot of thinking over these past few weeks. Reflecting back on my life, where I'm headed, and how the hell I'm going to pull myself out of this blackhole of depression. There are some days when I feel like I can conquer the world, and other days when I struggle to wake up - wishing that I wouldn't wake from this hell I live in. Most of my issues are deep rooted to my son, family, financial burdens, and the fact that I'm alone and single - wondering if I'll ever love again. So as I sit here tonight, listening to some music that I found in a box packed away with my other belongings - I reminisce to Amy Karafyllakis. My Jersey Girl. I remember talking to her for two years through all of the pain and agony I was going through at 19 yrs. Remember how we would talk for 14 hours at a time after I would get off work. On a bulletin board at that. Not instant messenger. Posting to a website, refreshing, and seeing each other comments. For two years, we talked and got to know each other and wondered if we would cross one another paths. Finally one day we met, went over horribly. I was there in Jersey to visit my newborn son and on the way back to Michigan, I decided ... since I was in town, to surprise the one girl that meant everything to me. Only to get there and 15 minutes walking out the door feeling like a fool because her boyfriend was coming over whom I had no idea she was dating. Six months later, I'm making the trip back to Jersey to see my son - and who contacts me ...? Miss AmyK. Pleading and apologizing for the last experience, her mother answers the phone and asks if its okay if her daughter stays the night with me and visits me while I'm in town. I agree, of course, and we had the sweetest, most romantic night I had in my life at the time. Rain danced against the window of the 2nd story hotel room. Candlelight filled the room as we listened to Sarah McLaughlin's Mirrorball CD. I made love to that girl through the night. Waking up and showering to find her gone. That is, I thought she was gone. She was in the window sill behind the curtains smoking a cigarette. I went up to her and held her so tight - feeling happy that I made the decision to see her. Years passed, we lost touch and grew apart. About two years ago, I found out she had a baby and got married. She's one of the few women in my life that touched my heart .. for one night. So I wonder if I'll ever feel a night like that again. When I could hold a woman in my arms and feel like I'm protecting her, making her feel safe and comforted. Then there's Tracy ... how I got on this tangeant I have no idea. I feel like writing though. I tried so hard for her. Three years of chasing her down. Three years of good times and bad. Three years of my life I feel like I lost, but gained all the same. It was like I was under her spell that couldn't be broken. Back to what I originally wanted to write about... I am hoping to move back home this weekend. I haven't even talked to my father yet. So much time has passed between him and I - I know he loves me, but the amount of time from when I was a kid to now - just seems so far apart. I just hope he will be there for me when I need him most. Once I move in, I know my life will get even busier considering I want to pick up a 2nd job to save up some extra money and keep busy. I'm not sure what is going to happen regarding my love life. I have someone that I am interested in, but I'm not quite sure what is going to happen with that. Knowing me, I'll find a flaw and pick her apart or I'll end up liking her too much and throwing too much into it. I haven't had any luck with dating. Even though I go on dates a lot. I feel like I can never hold a relationship because she leaves me for one reason or another. The lonliness I bear in my heart seems too much to handle. I want a companion, a best-friend, someone that I can look forward to hearing her voice and seeing her smile. To stand by me, through thick and thin and understand me, accepting me... for who I am. I know I'm not perfect, but I certainly have a lot to offer when it comes to loving someone. Some lyrics to comtemplate on:

I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories I'm so tired, but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep It's funny how we feel so much, but cannot say a word Though we are screaming inside, oooh, we can't be heard And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose Where once, there was a darkness, a deep and endless night You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories

An endless battle ...

2004-10-22T01:15:00.000-07:00

So I sit here tonight in the solitary moment of deep thought. I'm at a crossroads of my life. Fight - embrace the challenge, or give up and show how weak I feel in these difficult times. Tonight I realized, there are some things in life that you can't do anything about. You have to roll with the punches and press on. Without going into too much detail of my private life, I know that the time between Nila and I is completely over. Her and I have the most awkward conversations, much as I hate that. I'm glad that we're still friends. There are times when I knew deep down I was more attached to the idea of being with someone that actually cared about me and I felt the same. I want that again. Someday. My main focus in life is getting back on track. I have devised a plan, intend to execute and wake up everyday. To fight this.

Quick entry

2004-10-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

What is supposed to be a quick entry will probably turn out to be a long, detailed summary of what's been going on lately in my life. Things have definitely been hectic. Between my mother's health, my current living situation, my personal life and finances, and the death of a friend - it hasn't been easy. My mother was diagnosed with having a tumor a few months ago. A long story short, she doesn't have medical insurance through work, struggled to get insurance, and when she finally did - it got pretty serious. This to the point, where she was rushed to the ER several times, has finally had surgery, and is now recovering. Living situation: man, if there is someone out there looking out for me, .. thank you. I have been from place to place and for the last couple of months I've been staying with a friend whom has been understanding through all the drama in my life. I'm on the verge of looking into moving out into either my own place or with roommates within the next few weeks. Just a matter of time, money, and location. Personal life and finances - well, this one is easy. My son's mother .. Jolene .. the bitch, the devil incarnate... is fucking me. Hard. It's to the point where I struggle to put gas in my car and food on my plate. I'm scraping by, barely. But I'm doing it. This is a complicated and sensitive issue and I probably shouldn't write much more than this. The only thing I have to say is, I love my son and for him, I wake up everyday and press on. Then there's Nila... I've been okay, for the most part. I think of her constantly and have been trying to date. Dating has turned into hermitizing. And from being alone - to wondering if I can trust and move on again. She and I had a mutual understanding of separating ... but I still miss her. I miss our conversations probably the most. Talking to her online now is so different. It's like we hardly knew one another and everything is awkward now. How things went wrong, I'll never truly understand it. In the end, I'm thankful for the memories we shared together. Lastly, but certainly not the least important - the death of a personal friend of the family. 20 years old, died on a motorcycle. May your soul rest in peace and your family have strength through these troublesome times. You'll be forever remembered. On a lighter note, I have been on track with my focus. I have been pre-occupying myself with reading "The Da Vinci Code." Great book, to the point where I am determined to read the other books and do a lil side research to find the validity of some of these issues that are brought up. All in all, that's what's been going on in a nutshell. More to come soon.

Does it ever last?

2004-09-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

It's the little things that mean everything. Like a blink of an eye, my "ideal relationship" with Nila ... has abruptly come to an end. Probably the happiest four weeks of my life. For once, I felt like someone truly loved me back. So why do these relationships only last for such a short period of time? Without going into too much detail ~ it was hard on her to focus on what was important to her in China. So I received an e-mail explaining that the relationship was over. Be friends? Sure. That's where I always end up anyway. I love that girl, more than she knows. Actually, I think that was it. I didn't take it slow enough. Had I just had a semi-non-serious relationship .... I woulda been FINE. So is this my fault? I don't know. I miss her... its been four weeks. I've been neglecting writing in this blog because of that. So I've focused on work. Got promoted, so that was cool. But I'm not happy. And I don't think I will until I find closure with her. The biggest problem is... a part of me is holding onto this. Hoping that when I see her a year from now - maybe there will still be something there. I know she can't read this ... and I wish she could. It's so much easier for me to write here and not directly to her. I'm a wreck without her. On top of all of this, my mother has been recently diagnosed with having a tumor the size of a softball in her cervix. Does this get any easier? This is a picture of the two of us, my last happiest moment.

2004-08-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

I've been lazy lately and haven't been really keeping up with my journal. Although, lately I've been quite the busy one. I've managed to be utterly frustrated with my car as its still not working. Bad fuel pump. My car "history" has been a colorful one. Everything from being stranded on I-5 with no money and no cell phone to this. Alas, it'll be fixed soon enough. For your daily reading, your weekly horoscope:

Pisces Back to Signs For Monday, August 30 Pisces -- Today's aspects engender a desire for leadership and a tendency to keep things under excellent control. A strong desire to do the right thing is represented in your chart this morning. The forces in your horoscope also help you make genuine progress toward gaining greater prestige and higher status. Lucky Number: 395, Financial outlook: very good, Compatible sign: Libra. Libra Back to Signs For Monday, August 30 Libra -- Keep sharp words about someone else to yourself today. You don't really know what the factors motivating that person are. A decision not to discuss your current personal misgivings with others may be difficult for those who love you. Find ways you can express yourself. Lucky Number: 736, Financial outlook: mild, Compatible sign: Pisces.

2004-08-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

Pisces Back to Signs For Monday, August 23 Pisces -- It is difficult to receive when you are so used to giving. If you've been meaning to do something towards improving your life, now's the time to do it. There is no use keeping yourself in a rut; get out and experience all that is around you. It is time to start taking it slow in an intimate relationship. Lucky Number: 940, Financial outlook: very good, Compatible sign: Virgo.

2004-08-21T17:50:00.000-07:00

My car hates me. :\

Is this real?

2004-08-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

Sitting at home, relaxing for the first time in awhile - I was surfing the net and came across this entry posted from a friend of mine. Well, I'm unsure if we're friends actually - I'm conflicted and upset at how things unfolded, even tho I gained a beautiful woman who stands by my side. Our "mutual friend" is upset because of my past and how I feel .. afraid that in the end, I will hurt her friend. On a lot of levels I understand where she is coming from, but on the flip side of the coin - I in the end, have done nothing wrong - except finding an interest in a beautiful, intelligent, and sophisticated young lady that I care for deeply. There are many times when I wish I could just pick up the phone, call her up, say I'm sorry - but regardless of how things are right now - I'm going to continue to pursue her because I feel that she's more than worth the adventure.

The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation; the truth you believe determines your character.Reputation is what you are supposed to be; character is what you are.Reputation is the photograph; character is the face.Reputation comes over one from without; character grows up from within.Reputation is what you have when you come to a new community; character is what you have when you go away.Your reputation is learned in an hour; your character is built in a lifetime.Reputation grows like a mushroom; character grows like the oak.A single newspaper report gives you your reputation, a life of toil gives you your character.Reputation makes you rich or makes you poor; character makes you happy or makes you miserable.Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone; character is what the angels say about you before the throne of God.

So when I woke up this morning, naturally the first thought that came to mind was how much I miss my baby. I can't say enough how thankful I am that she's in my life. She's too good to me. Constantly keeping open lines of communication and conveying to me how she feels about me. It feels so good to devote my loyalty to one woman. For so long, I've wondered if it was possible. There are times if I ask myself "... is this real?" Ironic part of this is - she asks herself the same question. I know that I am falling for her. I know that when I hit bottom and know ... truly know that I am in love with her - not only will it hit me like a ton of bricks, but I will embrace her in my arms - asking her to be my fiance to marry me someday. I want to be there to share time, adventures, fantasies, and many memories to come. I don't want this to ever end.

Tonight is an important night for her. She's having her "going away" party before she leaves the country. God, I wish I could be there. We both agreed though, it would be best if I wasn't present tonight. Things are crazy for her as it is and with me being there would complicate things for her. She says I'm so understanding. Yet I see myself as just logical. Right now I want NOTHING in the way of what's to come. I want our love to unfold itself and see each step of its metamorphisis. I found this article, yes its Oprah, but it's very accurate and relates to my life right now:

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200401/omag_200401_beck.jhtml

After having read this article, it made me smile. Knowing that I'm maturing and becoming the man I want to be. There is so much that lies ahead of me. My career for example is on the verge of break-through. I'm determined to be productive during the time that she's away from me. Knowing that I am only doing things to better my life.

The little things in life

2004-08-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

It's the lil things in life. Today I talked with her throughout the day. Her voice alone makes me smile. Our conversations are deep with thought and sincerity. These are the happiest days of my life.

Quick entry

2004-08-12T00:49:00.000-07:00

Frantically trying to get this site back up and running, I found myself messing around online longer than I wanted to. I'm headed to bed, overall happy with my changes. I got to talk to her tonight. *smiling* It was so good to hear her voice again. I want to divulge into detail every thought and feeling ... explaining how I feel. At this moment and time though, it's still too premature. Need ... sleep. Dragging myself to bed ...

2004-08-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

As I attempt to fall asleep another night - I find myself writing, yet again. I have had several other "blogs" online - nothing successfully transitioning to my own website, but one day. Some serious life events have changed to the point where I felt it was unsafe for me to write anything online anymore. Let's start with the basics... - New job ... working for a computer company and starting fairly new into this. I went through several jobs over the past couple of years, struggling with the IT industry and surviving after lay-off after lay-off. Hopefully this current job will sustain and will be able to propel me into something greater than what I hope to achieve. I have plans to finish college and attain a degree - time and finances pending will ultimately determine which path I decide to take. - Love life ... this is a long one. The short story .. I have always had a hard time with two major issues, trust and commitment. I dated quite frequently after my son's mother and I split up. In the end, I was labled as a "player" and "broke girl's hearts." Initially, the party life and dating went hand in hand. Learning life lessons to one day lead me to where I am today. I ended up falling for a girl named Tracy. Tracy is a beautiful woman, unsure of where her ambition will one day take her. I chased .. in fact, I ran after her. The lesson to be learned, never involve yourself in a one-sided relationship. She never loved me in the way I could only wish she could love me. One day I almost proposed to her. That never happened obviously. Her and I today are great friends, but nothing more. So from this point I was at a total loss. Confused, disorganized, ... I was a wreck. So I went back to my old ways and slept with a number of women that meant absolutely nothing to me. There was a time, when I tried to work on an old flame, but as the saying goes old flames are to never be rekindled. We spent a wonderful 7 days together and kept everything innocent. One of the few times in my life I can say my heart and image of her would be better sealed with the innocence we once had while we were together in high school. So aside from Tracy and Trish - I had never truly loved a woman that cared about me in return. Then I met this girl. (More to come later) One thing I can say is this - honesty and communication will in the end, break or make us. She's constantly in my thoughts, excited to see of what's to become of this, and the most, by far, intriguing women I have ever met. And to say I haven't slept with her - coming from me - goes a long way. I cherish our time together and look forward to the next time I get to hear her voice or see the look in her eyes when she looks at me. Her smile .. makes me smile. And her laugh makes my heart melt. I could potentially, be off the market forever at this point. - Family. Another deep subject. I'm unsure I want to write about this unless I can find someway to lock this journal. Perhaps at that point, I'll reveal more personal things. I should head to bed here. It's late and I have to be to work in the morning. I just felt like writing tonight. In fact, I've been needing to write for a very long time. It's good to be back though. This is the one outlet of expression that I have that seems productive. So for all those future readers, keep in touch. There's always another interesting page in the saga that I call my life.

2003-05-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Where to start. I'm just waiting for my new "host" to become available so I can really start writing personal stuff in this new hidden journal. Moving everything that I can over there and ditching blogger altogether. This weekend .... *sighs* Most interesting. So much to say, all the random thoughts and distant memories coming to life, I feel alive, I feel drugged, I feel drunk, and I feel focused.. all at once.

2003-05-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

Almost time to go home. I'm soo ready. Today at work was kind of cool. Was a bit of a change than the normal daily grind. I'm ready to start my weekend. Only 20 more minutes and I'm getting the hell out of here. Helping boss move this weekend too. Doesn't hurt to build morale over a few beers and a move and meet/greet the family. Should be pretty cool weekend overall, lots planned. No relaxing though. *ugh* I'm dreading this Monday already..

2003-05-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

Friday - thank f*ck!n% god! It's been one long L-O-N-G week. School is going well as normal. Although I'm a lil worried about my test tonight because I'm not confident I know everything. I'm going to try and cram after I get off work today and head to school early so I can study with my classmates and hope there is some chance I can score a 100%.. I don't settle for anything less. Matrix, Matrix, Matrix - Ack - I can't wait until tomorrow. If I get out at a decent time, I may have to go tonight. But ... I should be patient, being that I have tickets that I purchased last week. I'm still waiting on my damn cd. Not sure where the soundtrack is at. *speaking of which... makes call* Crap, no answer. I can't even log into Outlook to see what the status of my order is. *grr* Wait... yahoo mail. *brb* Hmm... says its shipped but I haven't gotten it yet. *growls* Anyway, work's steady but I'm ready to get out of here and start the weekend. *gone*

2003-05-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Another day, another dime. This week's been more tiring than normal. I've been falling asleep after work and struggling to make it on time to class. Although - my first biopsy went over very well. Normally it takes 5 times to do before the surgeon signs you off as "knowin yer shit" - and last night, my instructor said I was good and ready to be signed off, but said he wants to run through it one more time before I'm signed off. Overall, I was happy with my performance. *realizing why this week has been long* Matrix this Saturday!! Woooo! Are you ready for a Neo World Order? This movie is going to make so much god damn money - I wish I was getting a piece of that pie! Hmm... I have a private entry I want to write about. Gonna figure out how to do that. Need to vent. Need to write. Don't want the world to know about it though. *grumbling* I want my cd. I want my own place to live. I'm impatient. God dammit. *argggh* Ok, back to work.

2003-05-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

Where's my Matrix cd??? Man - I'm so tired. I was up late last night - had my first breast biopsy. That was cool. I was pretty happy to hear my classmates and instructors complimenting on how well I prepped the case and how well I performed during surgery. This morning, I was a dumbass ... burned myself with the iron trying to pick up the wrong side of it. My fingers are swollen and blistering, hurts god dammit. This coffee isn't working either. I'm thinking double-dosing it when I make another pot. *lol* I'm pretty proud of myself on how well I'm prepared for this week in school. Already have my flash cards ready to go for my medical terminology and I'm all caught up on my reading. So tonight in lecture, I should sail right through it and tomorrow, make flash cards on what I'm going to test on for Friday's exam. Tonight is a big game night in basketball. Lakers vs. Spurs and the Kings vs. Dallas. I of course, will be in school - but will be checking for updates on the scores. I so wish that I could watch the games, but - oh well. I found out that I'll have at least Memorial Day weekend as a 3-day weekend. My first real break since I started school. ... the morning is slow ... it's a great feeling when you're at work and know you're relaxing then. :P

2003-05-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

Coffee doesn't seem to be kicking in just yet. Had a great weekend. Friday night after class, I went to watch Anger Management. Movie was great - could have done without the love story because Sandler's movie lately has been about him getting the girl and his journey to her. *boring* Saturday .. hm, this day was busy running errands. Went to my study group, had breakfast with Ana and Amber, went shopping - bought some new kicks (flllly) and some shirts for work and a bag for school and supplies for school... oh and I got Matrix tickets the night prior. Oooooh I can't wait *creams pants* ..! Hm, then I watched the Kings game at Christina's house. Oh, what an upset game. Double-overtime ... both teams extremely tired, first quarter - nothing but hissy fits. We lost that game ... L 141-137(D-OT) ... then again, Arco arena - Sunday night ... on Mother's Day *crowd slowly grows to a roar*.... the weary Sacramento Kings on a mission to victory... tie up the playoff series at 2-2 for a home win of W 99-83. Lakers won that day too (bastards) ... my prediction, Lakers v. Kings all over again. Oh man ... I just spent more money this morning and bought the Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack. *hehehe* Need a smoke break... more to come when I return.

2003-05-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

TGIF - A true meaning to that phrase, finishing week 2 of work and school. This has been a truely long week. Today has been probably the busiest work day I've had, even though most of it was spent on ghosting machines. Tonight, I have a test that I've hardly studied for. *cracks neck* I'll be fine. I just need to re-charge from hardly sleeping last night. I stayed up till 2am watching Catch Me If You Can. Not too bad of a flick, kept me interested anyway. Hoping to squeeze in a quick nap and study time before class. Not quite sure what my plans are for the night or this weekend. I know that Sunday though - I'll be AT HOME, relaxing. Saturday and Sunday both ... I'll be sleeping in. I am so ready for the weekend. Only one more hour left of work.... tgif. Finally got my new phone too - Talked to quite a few people I haven't talked to in awhile such as Sonya, Kari, and a few others. This weekend should be cool too since I plan on calling hella people. Again ... Thank GOD its Friday. ** soo soo tired **

2003-05-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Another early morning - man I'm so sleepy. I slept well, but ... I know my body is saying ... on Saturday -- SLEEP IN! Work's been steady. Waiting on my new cell phone, that's been like the issue of the week. Ordering, researching, and now waiting. Not sure if it'll come today, expecting it to come tomorrow so my hopes aren't let down. I just hope I have the fucker before this weekend. School has been intense this week. Between taking two tests this week, having to finally be at the OR table and assisting, circulating, or acting as the SurgTech, and of course, trying to find time to study. My objective is to study a lil while I'm at work and try to knock out some of the reading I need to catch up on.

2003-05-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

Last nights scores: Sacramento vs. Dallas 124-113 F Go Kings! I haven't been watching any of the playoff games except on the weekends because of school, but I check the scores after or during class. It's crazy. I need a break from all this craziness and get to a play-off game. Oooooh, I only had the time and money. :| ------ Ok - I just basically wrote this. How fucked up is this? Wed May 7, 2003 by Astrocenter.com Your least favorite thing is to be blamed for causing some kind of disappointment, and you may find yourself caught in this type of bind this week. There's no way to really change your basic nature, but you can prevent certain situations from occurring. For starters, be honest with yourself about how busy you are and whether or not you can manage everything you need to get done for yourself before you make plans to help others.

2003-05-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning.. Well, at least its the middle of the week. It's early, I'm grumpy, I'm tired and hungry. At school, I'm jumping right into the water, head first - I have my first biopsy tonight after work. I have so much work to do I'm not sure where I'll find the time nor the energy to accomplish this. I have several chapters to catch up on, a test to prepare for, a case study due tonight, and find time to eat between work and class. I thought about using some of my day at work, but to manage work and school during business hours seems a bit impractical. I'm thinking of possibly eating my lunch at my desk and working diligently like a good boy. :) You know - now that I think about this - I'll be fine. I feel pretty confident and think I've done a pretty damn good job at managing my time considering my busy schedule. This is about me this year. This is MY LIFE. I'm not letting anyone get in my way of what I've dreamed of since I was a kid, regardless of how pissed off everything else in my life is happening right now effects me. Let's talk about that for a second. I feel like venting. My family pisses me off mainly because it seems as if they're so busy with their life, they don't have time for each other. Am I the only one that sees this? My 19 yr. old sister thinks she's an adult, therefore, rules don't apply to her and she's busy doing her own thing. My step-dad ... ahh, this guy - he accuses me of everything lil wrong thing that happens in his house. IE: Why did you put the bag in the dryer? It was 2 am and I could hear it in the dryer. I was like .... what bag? Have I been home? No. My mom - love you more than anything - but I gotta hand it to ya - you're free from divorce, but not from your responsibilities as a mother. She's off with her boyfriend and my 17 year old sister is sitting at home by herself most of the time. That poor kid's not even going to school some days because her excuse is "I don't have a ride." I feel like I'm always keeping peace within the family and frankly, I'm tired of it. Then there's Jolene - the thorn in my side. I wish life would have been easier when it comes to my son. I wish more than anything that her and I could get along for his benefit. I hate not seeing my son. Then the more I think about it - the more upset I become and the more violent thoughts ramble through my head wishing torture, suffering, and pain towards her. *sighs* (calm down) Okay - so my family life is all jacked up. I'm focusing on me this year because I deserve to take care of myself. I'm focused on eating, sleeping, and excercising... for me. I'm focused on school and my priorties of work. I'm trying to mentally focus and clear my head of all that madness of life and relationships. Speaking of relationships - you'll notice I never talk about that online. Dude, that's personal, get over it. I don't kiss and tell. :P So - today's thoughts: you can't take care of everyone until you're totally comfortable with saying that you're in good shape. (mentally, physically, socially, morally)

2003-05-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

You tend to wonder if I'm actually working today or spending my morning chatting and writing in this journal of mine. Keeping busy and multi-tasking is great. You sit here, type - and it seems like you're doing work. Then you add in a kickass boss/co-worker and a laid-back office environment... and its all gravy baby.

2003-05-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

Someone had entirely too much time on their hands. Here's a picture that's a comparison/contrast of Bush and Chimps. :|

2003-05-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Oh, this was a cool test. Very true and honest to myself = great results. :P The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Many and varied sinners suffer eternally in the multi-leveled Malebolge, an ampitheatre-shapped pit of despair Wholly of stone and of an iron colour: Those guilty of fraudulence and malice; the seducers and pimps, who are whipped by horned demons; the hypocrites, who struggle to walk in lead-lined cloaks; the barraters, who are ducked in boiling pitch by demons known as the Malebranche. The simonists, wedged into stone holes, and whose feet are licked by flames, kick and writhe desperately. The magicians, diviners, fortune tellers, and panderers are all here, as are the thieves. Some wallow in human excrement. Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sick on the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite them with its hammer.

2003-05-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com) Your natural compassion may have led you to choose a profession in which healing or helping other people is your primary duty. Even if this isn't the case, dear Pisces, the people around you may be particularly demanding of you today. But be careful not to go beyond your personal limits. Or else it could be you who needs other people's help! -------- Funny huh? Considering I'm pursuing my dream and changing careers into the medical field.

2003-05-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning - got up later than I usually do. Thank God I've been late to work at my other jobs so I was prepared for this drill. I didn't get out of class until late last night and I had some late night munchies so I hit up Toxic Smell, chatted/ate, and crashed. I woke up around 6:30, I try and get here by 6:45 ... needless to say, I slept in for the first time. This is a wake up call telling myself not to form a habit. I didn't even hear the alarm I was so tired. Got into work on time and brewed some fresh coffee.. mmm, french roast blend. Thinking of having a cigarette before boss gets here and try to plan out my day so I'm at least somewhat productive. So many stories to tell and so much to write about. In due time, when I have a moment or two. I hope you enjoy reading this ... this is therapy for me and entertainment for you - guess your ass can laugh at me while I live by trial and error. Unfortunately, I think I live more by error than by grace. Feel free to comment and say hi. - J

2003-05-05T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is my first entry I've written in here (or UJournal) in a long time. Basically, the sum of what's been happening is that I was laid off at EDS around May of 2002, got hired at Verizon Wireless in September and then was terminated from there in March 2003. I just started working for Fidelity National Financial (FNF) April 2003. Right now I'm working as a System Administrator full-time as a contractor, which sucks because there aren't any benefits included yet. At least not for another 3 months. Overall I enjoy the job. I have the freedom to do my job and to take care of other miscellaneous things that may be important to me. I also decided to take charge of my life and enroll into school. I'm attending High-Tech Institute and pursing their Surgical Technology program. I'm there 5 days a week for 4 hours a night. So needless to say, my schedule is hectic and my days are long and ... god do I look forward to the weekends. The program itself is intense, but doable. I'm paying for school myself so financially its a strain for now and once school is paid off, I plan to attend American River and take on their accelerated RN program. This is a huge change in career for me, but the medical field has always intrigued me. Onto the social end of things, reading back - I was talking about how badly I wanted to fall in love. I did. I fell in love hard.. with this girl, Tracy. Needless to say, things didn't work out. I spent the following year after her and I broke up - trying to get back together with her and basically we're just friends now, which is cool with me (I suppose). Realized in the end, you can't force anyone to love you, no matter how much you love them and want to be with them. Learned a lot of life experiences and realized I was still capable of falling in love with someone. So after things didn't work out and I lost my job, that's what really gave me the swift kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together and get back into school. This with my ex (Jolene) still aren't going over well. I haven't talked to my son in probably 3 months. I hate her so much sometimes. But after several conversations with family, I realized that they were right after all this time. I just hope that everything works out in the end of his benefit. I should probably get back to work. I gave you this link because I wanted you to read what I had to say. Feel privileged, not many know about my personal life. Keep coming back - there'll be more stuff to come.

2003-05-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

Amazing what you find -- a lost journal, reborn. More to come.. Ok - figured that since I used to write in this one, here's the other link to my other journal. [[ http://www.ujournal.org/users/lionheart_916/ ]]

2002-01-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

Two months later ... It's been awhile since I wrote in here. Probably only because I have been extremely busy over the holidays. During that time I was spending a majority of that with my son, my transmission went out on my car, was in a car accident with my roommates car, and attempting to find another job. Over the past weekend, my laptop was infected with about 10 different viruses - the last time I'll let someone use my computer. My dvd drive hasnt been working for months now and I tried re-installing new drivers to get it to work and ended up having to tear apart my laptop and make sure the data cable was seated in their correctly. As soon as I booted it up, it started working again (doh). So I re-installed everything and its like I'm on a new computer. Financially I am going through a strain and it seems to get worse and worse. Another entry another night, I'm too lazy to think about it right now. I am just getting back into updating my site and writing in here again because I think that this is my escape, my therapy... to write and let everyone know what runs through my mind. ooOO Mood: Mellow ooOO Music: Burning CD's .. no time for that shit. :)

2001-11-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

It seems like I'm missing an entry, but oh well... whatever. I'm not worried about it. I was attempting to get on Yahoo Messenger but I kept getting booted and I gave up. So I decided to dive into here and just write a little bit. Anyway, my plate is full at work again. Amazingly enough, I have a lot to do. I guess that's what happens when you don't go to work for a week or so. I'm in the process of implementing a new client was are going to be supporting here at the helpdesk. The account is Wickes Furniture, which is weird for EDS to support considering they are a retail store, but apparently they used to outsource to IBM and weren't happy with their service so EDS picked up the business. Anyway, that's my job to get completed by 12/11. Not to mention the training beforehand. And on top of that, I have to complete my normal objectives for the month. *lucky me* While all of this is happening at work, I have another court date set for Dec. 4th. So the pressure is kind of on right now, hoping that all of this will turn out for the best. Even though I'm confident that things will go well, there is always that possibility that lingers in the back of my mind. Well - I'm hungry. *poof*

2001-11-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

I finally made it into work. I'm still sick as hell, but I have a pile of work stacked up on my desk so high I can't see straight. I can't believe Thanksgiving is this week. It's like - where did this year go? I was so busy working and battling in court and flying that I never took time for myself and got so sick that I made myself fall behind in what I had to do. I need to find another job. After I am here at EDS for two years, I have made a decision to move and just go where the money is at. I am so sick of worrying about how I'm going to make ends meet. That is my new goal. I just hope the market picks back up and starts hiring people again. On that note, gotta get back to work.. ooOO Mood: Dammit, I'm still sick. ooOO Music: Michelle Branch

2001-11-16T17:56:00.000-08:00

I put this away for about a week. I have come down with feningitis (infection of the throat), which basically led to the flu. I am still sick and not over this shitty cold. I have been blowing my nose for four days straight. While I've been sick I've managed to work on my site a little bit, changing the layout and such. I'm still not done, but when I'm completely over this cold - I'll focus a little more on it. I've been pretty distant with everyone lately. Probably since I moved out of my parents place. Mainly because even though I meet people and I get offered to date and stuff - I don't know what the deal is. I turn 'em down and shit. It's fucking retarded. It's like I'm almost mad at myself, but I also like my privacy and my space. I've always stuck to myself I guess. I think what I need most right now though are good friends. I mean really cool friends that I can hang out with all the time. I guess as each day passes by, I reflect time after time and I know that the reason I am unhappy is because I don't have the friends like I used to have in Okinawa or in Michigan. I miss all those guys terribly that it's driven me to become a hermit. Geez, this is depressing... I'm closing this up for now.

2001-11-11T15:10:00.000-08:00

Today has been slow as hell. It's been raining on and off and the weather overall is mellow. Weird how weather determines behavior and moods. Anyway, I watched a movie while I was at work (Original Sin: Good flick) and then I took an IQ Test, I was surprised at the results. Then I took a personality disorder test (haha). Note -- I was being very very truthful to this test. Here are the results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

2001-11-10T22:51:00.000-08:00

ooOO Mood: Mellow ooOO Music: Michelle Branch Reflection. That's the word that comes to mind this evening. I look at how far I've come and how much further I have to go. It seems as if I haven't moved anywhere. It's like life is a huge chess game and all of my pieces are gone, with the exception of my king piece. I have no queen. I have no more pawns or rookies. I am a solitary soldier fighting this war. A war that I'm unsure if I will ever win. It's like the saying though, that when you have everything it never seems to be enough and when you're at your worst moment in life - it seems that it will never get better. I should be thankful. I mean, my son is here, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, etc. I just come to realize how lonely life is though. I mean, I am happy with myself. But it seems that I will never find that queen. The one woman that all of my friends say that I deserve to have. The one woman to treat me right and that I will sweep off her feet. The lady that I wake up to in the morning. I talk to all of my friends and it almost seems that everyone has someone. Even if its just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or a fiance and getting ready to marry. Or - in some of my friends' cases, Kari.. who is already married with two kids and their own house. It seems like I'm so far behind in the race and I have to keep reminding myself... I'm only 23. I guess that's why I stress out though. I deserve to be financially stable. Without attorney fees, court fees, and major credit card bills from taking at least 4 trips in one year by flight. It's crazy. The last trip I took to Dallas to pick up my son it was $450 for the tickets and approximately $100 in hotel fares. Not to mention food, parking fees, the cost for gas, etc. How am I to breathe? So then I think back again.. if I have all of these financial problems, what girl would I ever want to involve into my life? It's almost like I want to stay single and not burden anyone with my problems. So tonight ... A Saturday night ... I turned down my friends on going out to a club and having a good time. And I sit at home. My son is with his grandmother tonight cuz Sunday is her day with him and she'd prefer that I leave him over night so I don't wake everyone when I get to work early. I sit alone. Listening to Michelle Branch and drinking Coke and with my cigarettes.

2001-11-08T22:34:00.000-08:00

I had mediation today. The appointment was for 1:00 pm... and when I got there, I waited for about an hour. Finally, when the mediator came out, she called me into her office and we sat down. I started telling her my side of the story and gave her a background of what's been going on. I explained the problems we had from day one of when we found out that Alejandro was on the way. I continued to bring her up to speed with what was going on today. We tried calling Jolene at home and of course, she wasn't there and/or didn't pick up. Then I suggested to call her father. So we did, and he had talked to her for quite awhile too. So basically, the end result was that she is going to review everything and if all goes well - then she's going to recommend that I am the primary physical and legal parent. Which will mean he will be with me during the school year and that he will stay with her during the summers. As far as the holidays go, we would discuss that at another time. She's also recommending that we have mediation a year from now so we can review what's going on and we can discuss arrangements for holidays. I explained that I will have him during Christmas this year so I would be willing to let her have Alejandro during Christmas 2002. Another point was that she is recommending to the court that his last name be changed to Davis, considering he still carries her last name. And that if she doesn't abide to the court order, then I would have the right to not allow her to see him. So overall, it was another small victory. It's been a long day ... I went home happy and cleaned and cleaned. *hehe* It was a good day today. My mind has been so consumed with this, that this entire week I've had nothing but miserable days. I just wanted to go home, curl up, and sleep. My son and I have been hanging out a lot too. I gave him a lego set that I bought him today and while I was doing laundry -- he and I were playing with toys and taking pictures of him in his construction toys (complete with the belt and helmet and all the tools). I'm extremely happy that he's here back with me. He even told me that he had missed me and I was like ... I was just in the other room. He laughed and said I know daddy, but I still missed you. These are days that makes everything worthwhile, no matter how broke you are or how unhappy you are with your job. You learn to appreciate them and realize that everything is worth this .. he lights my eyes and I smile everytime I see him. ooOO Current mood: Happy ooOO Current music: None, baby boy is sleeping.

2001-11-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

Tuesday morning .. fuck, I'm at work again. I hate my job, but I love it sometimes too. It's not like I have a difficult job.. I am primarily responsible for ensuring that my helpdesk agents are performing the duties that they were hired for. So basically, I have to monitor their calls, review cases that they write, and handle all the HR crap .. vacationing, sick/late, blah blah blah. And that's basically it. I mean, I have to schedule them for training and make sure we have one on one meetings to make sure everyone is on target and crap - but overall, my job isn't difficult. I think that's the problem. I don't feel challenged. So I'm thinking to myself, I'll wait until the end of the year and see if I get a decent raise. If I don't, then what? Ok.. I'm on my second cup of coffee now -- this is sad. I can't wake up. I feel like I'm sitting here in my cube slowly falling asleep.....

2001-11-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's been a few days. So I guess I can update this. Basically, I flew to Dallas over the weekend. Stopped over in Phoenix and found a bar that I could smoke in! (kickass - if you dont' get it ... it's cuz you can't smoke in public places in California, not even bars or strip clubs .. not that I go to strip clubs .. heh) So I had like 3 beers and smoked while I was waiting for my plane. Then later that evening, I got into Dallas and I went to a country bar in downtown Dallas - that was interesting. All the women there were beautiful ... well, most of them. I had to keep in mind that I was drinking. So I'm there ... at the bar, smoking (hehe, cool!) and I had like 15 beers to myself. Not even drunk or buzzed.. I was shocked. So I'm dancing .. having a good time... and I went shopping at 3am at Walmart. LOL I forgot my shampoo. Saturday I wake up around 1:00 pm central time ... I call my ex, Jolene, and I told her to call between 5-8 pm so we can arrange a time to meet up. Well, she calls at 5:30 and says she'll be there at 6:30 and shows up at 8:30. So I spent my entire day in my hotel room, starving and waiting. Then she shows up, Jolene tries to act hard and get in my face and gets more upset because I'm not responding back. She basically was threatening me saying I don't know who I'm messing with, blah blah blah. So finally they leave and I had my son finally back with me. I was so happy to have him back.. I've missed him so much. Sunday morning I wake up at 6:30 am Pacific time.. that sucked. Then I finally got home around 9:30 pm at night. So now I'm at work.. jet-lagged from hell. And I was online, talking to Trish (new page to be added to my site, talking about her) and we were basically chatting. Then we talked about other stuff (not to be disclosed because this is an open journal) and then we talked about a dream we had about each other. That was weird, especially since it was the same night we were having this dream. It's weird. I think that when two people are close enough ... when you tend to think about that person, I sometimes believe that the other person may be thinking of them the exact moment you are. Telekenisis? Psychotic? You take your pick. :) So that was my weekend. Long-flights, a big fight, and a dream that tripped me out ... Now I've got my son and I'm going back to my old routine of work and home. Which never has bothered me because I love spending time with him. I'm putting together his toybox tonight and hauling out his gifts I got him. *hehe* Anyway, that's all for now.

2001-11-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

Thursday night .. I'm headed out of San Francisco tomorrow to fly to Dallas and picking up my son (hopefully). [ Long story ] I am a bit nervous flying (considering the incident in NYC) and the news tonight said they received a threat for the Bay Bridge into SF, saying that they're going to bomb it between Nov. 2nd and 7th. Which is exactly the time frame I'm going to be travelling with my son. But I'm sure everything will be fine. I talked to my best-friend Shawn who's living in Germany. I was happy to hear from him since I thought he was in Afghanistan. He's supposed to be getting married July 2002 and he sent me pictures so that was cool. Just wondering if that's going to last. *haha - if you're reading this* But I know my boy - just wondering if he'll choke or change his mind. I also had the most FUCKED UP dream the other night. I dreamt my son died. Yeah - how fucked up is that? I woke up in a cold sweat and I was crying in my dream, watching myself in 3rd person. It was so real and vivid. I can't even begin to try and relate to figure out what that was all about. Anyway - I'm up for an all-nighter tonight. I'm going to be staying up so I can sleep on the way to SF and in the plane (considering they won't feed us anymore). So - yeah - been working on my site and shit so... it's cool. I'm cool. And you're not. *hehe* Ok, I'm bored and delerious now so ... yeah.

2001-10-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

It's raining today. I love the rain. I woke up kind of late this morning and my commute into work sucks. (Note: I love being late, even though its bad.) I forgot that I had an 8 o'clock meeting this morning though, so I skated in around 8:20. That looked kinda bad. Oh well, meetings are boring anyway. I am in the process of picking up my son .. I'm supposed to fly out this weekend to Dallas to pick him up and my ex, Jolene, has made it very clear that she will not let me have him when I get there. Even though it's court ordered. She basically doesn't care. Then the following Thursday, Nov 8th, we're supposed to go to mediation, which she will also not be at. So she's shooting herself in the foot. .ooOO How can I concentrate at work? .ooOO How can I sleep at night? .ooOO How can I feel that my son is okay with a person like that? It's days like these that makes me want to just stay in bed and not face the world. Yet - I know that I have to be here to provide for my son. That to me is important ... so I'm here .... just my mind can't focus right now. Everything is a blur. Conversations seem dull. The weather suits my mood. I love the rain.

2001-10-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, writing is becoming an addiction for me. Expressive I am. =) I called my son tonight ... 3 times, my ex wasn't home for me to talk to him. {fucking whore} At any rate, I was upset and just came home and worked some more on this site. The more and more that I play around with flash - the more focused and in-depth my ideas grow .... thus, talkshitty doesn't like it. So I tried moving everything over to Geocities .... "you have exceeded the data transfer limit, your site will become available within an hour." Political progranda bullshit! So I'm going to talk with my father and move my site to www.davisnetwork.com. This time ... no banners, FTP'ing will be like sleeping to me, and no more bullshit. So... in a few days, I'll move everything over. I have a ton of work to do over the next couple days at work and I really should focus on getting that done. So I doubt I'll be updating this site before then, well ... I'll probably do a few things here and there. Oh well... until I can find some reliable webspace ... I guess I can chill a lil'bit and just be happy that I got this much done in two days. *hehe* 11:30 pm ... my ass is tired and needs to go to bed. .::goodnight::.

2001-10-28T16:32:00.000-08:00

It's 4:30 pm. I should be leaving work shortly, but instead I decided that I'm going to hang out here for awhile. I have to call my son tonight.. which means I have to deal with my ex and whatever she decides to do. I swear - it's like night and day with her. You never can tell what kind of mood she's going to be in, which makes it extremely difficult considering I will always have to deal with her until my son's 18. My son has been asking to come home ... I'm not sure what to do or what to say to that. I wish I had all the answers for him since I'm his father, but I don't. On November 2nd, this upcoming Friday - I'm supposed to fly to Dallas to get him. I've already given her plenty of notice and she has made it very clear that she doesn't want me to take him back to California. This shit is so difficult to deal with. I really wish that sometimes I had done it completely different. It doesn't bother me so much that I'm a father and that I never attended college and lived the younger life like all the other kids. I'm beyond that. I just wish that I would have found the right girl - and perhaps had a family together. One day though.. I'm glad that I have my son in my life. I just wish things could be easier ... so that in turn, it would be easier for him. Anyway - I'm going to skate out of here. Just a final thought (God, I sound like Jerry Springer) before I leave work.

2001-10-28T09:35:00.000-08:00

It's 9:30... not 10:30. I'm normally late into work. I rushed in the shower, skipped breakfast, smoked a cigarette on the road, and dashed into work. I was an hour early. Daylight savings time ... who created that crap? We fall back in the fall and spring forward in the spring. What the hell? Why can't we just NOT change the time and keep it consistent. I like being late.

2001-10-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Ok ok ok -- Once I get started on a project, I go forever.. I just put an intro page together. For the most part, I think it's pretty slick. I may have to chuck the mp3 file I put together and replace it with a smaller one but... we'll see. Going to bed....

2001-10-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a long ass day ... finally got my site up and running. Wish I could get rid of the talkcity banner but... oh well, life goes on. The webspace is free and I'm cheap. =) I've been working on getting an intro page put together, then I'll start working on the links. Time to go to bed...

2001-10-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

Woohoo .. I'm home. Check this out. Talkcity is a piece of shit. They should name it "talkshitty" ... I got home and was going to use their editor to edit one line of code in HTML and the bitch decided to use their template and over-write my source code. Had to recover the file and upload it. Anyway... there's my vent. :)

2001-10-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

I decided to make a web page today. Out of boredom as my site says. I'm actually finally getting off work here shortly so - this is going to be short. Real productive today .. *haha*